Shopping with a shopping hater
by bymak
Summary: Fun at the mall(?) ...


Disclaimer... I still don't own Sailor Moon.

Sorry, I went shopping the morning before I wrote this… and I seriously hate doing it. Too many options, too many everything and the salespeople… anyway, I feel too much pressure and often end up buying things that either, I don't like or I don't fit. Soo… after one of those experiences… this ... happened.

Enjoy!

M.

**\- Shopping with a Shopping Hater…**

I like clothes. Period.

See, people who sees me believes that:

a) I don't like my body, or

b) I don't like girl clothes.

And those two things are extremely wrong. You'll see, I actually love my body; why wouldn't I? I mean …just look at me, I am a tall, slim, fitted, green eyed, blonde. I'm proportional, which is good in my books.

I like the size of my hips, waist and breasts. I absolutely adore my abs, I mean… who wouldn't love their own six pack, geez! I love my legs which seem to go on forever, they are white and creamy and strong and muscular. I know, I know… it sounds like an ode to myself, which its kind of awesome, everybody should love themselves as much as I do.

Once you love yourself, then you get the girl… or boy (Depending on your tastes) of your dreams. I know I got mine.

Anyway, about the b point… contrary to popular belief, I do like girl's clothes. My girl knows that! Our wardrobe knows that! I own skirts, and shirts, and blouses, and tank tops, and dresses, and lots and lots of shoes. I just happen to prefer comfy clothes. And I'll let you know a little secret of mine… the thing that actually sent me to wear men's clothes, isn't my body or the fact that I like girls… is the simple fact that I can't find my way into liking to go shopping. For real! I absolutely hate going shopping.

I can't find a way to convince myself that walking around for hours to no end looking for the same shirt or skirt on twenty different shades and fifteen different stores is actually productive.

I can go shopping. I do go shopping.

If I need a black skirt…Then, I go and buy a black skirt. I walk into the first store, pick one black skirt, check the size and pay for it. Then I go home and if it fits, great! If it doesn't, then either go back again to change it, or find someone (namely Michiru) that will fit into it.

And now, I know someone up there hates me as much as I hate shopping, I'm stuck with a promise I have to fulfill. I made the awful mistake of taking a bet… and I lost it. I'm never betting again on my brother actually passing an exam. Yes, he did study; he simply is lacking of connections on the neural department.

So, the bet… I bet to my mom, if my brother passed she wouldn't complaint on my lack of skirts when we go visit them next week. If he didn't pass, well, then I should expend my whole last check on girl clothes to wear while visiting.

Therefore, I'm now walking with my other half to a store to buy girl clothes, I'm dreading the moment already.

"Good Afternoon, how may I help you?" an overly sweet and super excited vendor approaches us.

"We need some skirts and blouses and at least one dress," I say, and she… she looks at Michi and I have to contain myself, between laugh on her assumption or being jealous of the look.

"What size are you, ma'am?" She asks, not taking her eyes of Michi, whom blushes before I respond

"0 up to 3, depending on the branch… I guess," I say shrugging my shoulders. She looks at me, then at Michi and goes…

"I don't think your girlfriend would fit on a 0. She is too … curvaceous," Michi just denies with her head, and presses my hand while I shoot up an eyebrow to the ceiling.

"Are you telling that my girl is fat?" I ask accusingly

"No! no, by no means… I'm just saying she is…" and then, surprising me, the woman puts her hands at the breasts level and makes a bigger boob sign, and Michi just blushes and I … I'm going to save the woman out of her own embarrassment.

"I am the size 0 to 3," I say, and of course she looks at me like I grow another head in seconds or something.

Yes, I know I can look manly, but only if you aren't looking enough. Is not like I bind my breasts or something. I just wear men's clothes, because they are definitively more comfortable, there's more room to move, they don't stick to you and you can sit without precautions.

I mean, I do wear the senshi suit and have you take a good look at that? I believe I have moonlighted half of the Tokyo population with the length of that skirt! I don't actually know how women can go around trying to keep their behinds covered with the length of the current fashion.

Ok, back to the vendor.

I smile at her and do what I did when Usagi and Mina found out I was a girl. Slowly I take my jacket out and undo the first couple of buttons, and then; she actually has the decency to blush and close her mouth. Michiru… well, she is really used to this by now.

You had to see the look on the nurse, when I went to the gynecologist and she thought that I wanted a... what was it? Urologist! What the hell would I do with a urologist? Anyways, Michi goes through this with ease now. Before, well, she got some using to do. We even had a deep talk about my dressing code and all that couply stuff.

"I'm sorry for the confusion, ma'am…" she apologizes, "you said skirts, blouses and a dress? This way please," and here we go! "This is the season advance zone, here you can find all that will be in fashion for this summer"

I just do a quick survey, and I know this won't do. All I can see is a sea of pink. Pink and turquoises or whatever that greenish shade is.

"By any chance, do you have anything not pink?" I ask and you know what? I have a feeling that I'll remember vividly why I hate to buy girls clothes.

"What about this one?" the vendor says passing me a pink shirt with a huge golden owl on it.

"I don't like pink, ma'am," I say with a frown.

"But this is not pink, this is coral. This is THE season color"

"Ok… anything less pink?" I ask after rolling my eyes at her.

"What about this one?" she points to a pink sleeveless blouse with stuff in the neck.

"I don't like pink and I certainly don't like the bib thing that it has"

"Bib thing?" she asks, and I point to it trying hard not to show disgust.

"You mean the frill? But frill is THE garnish to wear this season!" She exclaims surprised, "And this is not pink, ma'am… this is baby pink." And even if she tries to not showing it, I feel a bit of annoyance in her voice, "What do you think of salmon?"

"I'm not hungry," I answer. Honestly, what does salmon has to do with pink?

"I mean the color, not the fish," and Michiru giggles. She is having a blast! I can't tell.

"Uh?" I say while I glare at my girlfriend. The lady grabs another pink shirt and shows it to me.

"Salmon," she deadpans, and points to the shirt like she is showing me the most obvious thing in the world. And men! I have to have the most desperate look in my face because Michi just jumps out.

"Ma'am. What do you have in black, white, red, blue or brown?" See! Those are colors that I recognize! Go Michi!

"There's not much in the season advance, perhaps we can look the classics?"

"Classic sounds good," Michi says. Yes, of course she will say that! She is a classic musician. She winks at me and whispers "no pun intended" and we share a laugh.

Then out of nowhere, I get handed like three thousand pieces of clothes. Seriously? Is she for real? Apparently she is, because a couple seconds after, I am being forced to the changing rooms and how I absolutely hate these things. They aren't roomy, or comfortable, and I don't think whoever designed these torturing spaces actually gave a lot of thought to it being used by tall people.

After a couple of hits, mostly hands and knees and a couple toes to wall. I finally got into a black skirt and white shirt. Thank god I decided to wear a white bra! So I open the dressing thing door and to my utter dismay…my fashion consultant a.k.a my girlfriend, is nowhere to being seen. So, I put my shoes on and yes, I will need some shoes because man shoes and skirts are kind of a no-no even for a fashion walking mistake as I am.

I walk around the store looking for the acqua hair above the hangers and when I finally spot her. I walk to her and she doesn't notice me. So, I pick a dress, it's a bright acqua and black and I say to her.

"What about this one? This will go with your hair," she smiles and I can tell she is about to answer when

"Excuse me, ma'am?" comes a voice from beside me. So I turn around and there's an older woman, and she has a pink skirt on her hands. I smile politely and confusedly at her and she goes, "Do you have this skirt in cerulean?" I have to blink a couple times and then turn to Michi

"What the hell is cerulean? And why should I know that?" Somehow I think my outburst was somewhat not polite, since Michiru smiles apologetically to the woman and says

"I'm sorry, she doesn't work here. But I thought I saw some cerulean skirts hiding behind the light green ones"

The woman blushes. Then she apologizes, smiles brightly and walks away and I am like….

"What the hell was that?"

"You are wearing black skirt and white shirt; they are pretty similar to the store vendor's uniform." She explains to me pointing me to several vendors.

"Ah! That explains that… so what do you think?" I say turning around.

"I think, you should go for a shorter skirt and maybe some leather".

"Leather! I like that."

"I saw some UdoKuro clothes around here," Michiru says and apparently our vendor is back. Or saying UdoKuro is the way to call vendors now.

"UdoKuro? Yes, I can see her with those…" she says humming, and soon enough I am being dragged back to the dressing rooms with even more clothes than before.

"You said UdoKuro?" I ask, since the name seems familiar to me, then it hits me. "Are we talking about a tall, purple eyes, brown hair with some white spots on it and completely gay guy?" I shout to the outside

"Yeah?"

"So, that soon of a bitch actually did something of his fashion sense." I say coming out of the changing room.

"Do you know him?" Michiru ask making me a sign for me to turn around.

"Yes, he was my classmate and best friend up until I moved to Tokyo"

"Are you Kate?"

"No, I'm Haruka if you must know," I say politely to the vendor. The nerve of this woman! After a nod of approval from Michiru, I go back in.

"No, I mean… did UdoKuro called you Kate?" The vendor now shouts to me from the other side.

"Yeah… and I called him UdoKuro…" I say poping my head out, "his name is Udori Kurosawa, it was too long and too boring for him".

"Oh my god! So you are his muse?" She shouts excited, and I go out of the changing room with another set of clothes.

"I don't know ma'am… I haven't seen the guy in 5 years or so," I shrug.

"No, no … I'm telling you, he told People's magazine he was inspired by a friend who he used to call Kate and that she was a real tomboy."

"So I guess that's me… anyways, can we get back to clothes, I really want to get out of here today if it's possible," I'm starting to get annoyed. Three visits to the small changing rooms often do that for me.

And that's when I spot five girls coming into the store. I guess they spotted Michiru's hair. We hear five "Michiru's" and then they stop death on their steps and five "Haruka?" are heard. I nod, and then I have the brightest idea ever!

"What are you doing here?" Usagi asks, Sometimes I believe that if Usagi and my brother get together it will be a fun conversation to hear.

"Shopping," I deadpan. While I pass the first set to the vendor with a nod.

"Haruka lost a bet to her mom, thus we need girl clothes before the holidays," she explains and I blush. Damn…she could have not told them it like that. It's kind of embarrassing. But my idea comes back to me.

"Girls, how do you feel if I buy one piece to each one of you? Whatever you like… I don't care the price" They all get a stunned look.

"For real?" Usagi asks, I can see hearts dancing in her eyes; she is probably thinking of a hot date with Mamoru. I just nod and then she is dragging Rei and Ami around and I see Makoto and Mina disappear too. Michiru stares at me.

"You promised to buy yourself girl clothes with all that check," I smile at her and give her a quick kiss.

"Actually, I promised I would buy girl clothes with all that check. I never said I would buy them only for me," I smirk.

"You are impossible," she says laughing.

"I know… but I am actually buying stuff for me. I even picked a salmon blouse…. Speaking of which, what do you say about that fish place out in the 5th? I heard the salmon there is to die for?"

"So all that salmon, gave you cravings?"

"Yup, pretty much… now, how about that black and aqua dress I showed to you? "

Well, yes… I still hate shopping but I guess doing shopping with the right people can be bearable. Oh... that skirt looks nice… maybe I can learn what the hell cerulean is…

"Ma'am, do you have this one on cerulean?"

"That one is cerulean," Ok, so cerulean is green. Geez, why just not call it green then?

"Oh… so do you have something not in cerulean then?"

"What about this one?"

"That's cerulean," I say firmly.

"No; ma'am. That's cerulean; this is turquoise"

"Ok... something less green then?" she picks another green skirt

"What about this one?"

"That's still too green"

"This is not green, it's lime!" oh geeez! It's not like lime isn't green either. Then I spot it in the green I like.

"Never mind, ma'am. I found the right green," I say picking the skirt

"No" she says… "That's not green. It's olive"

And I really, really don't know how I managed not to strangle the woman right there. So see, all that stuff I just said about shopping not being as bad…. Just scratch it. I absolutely hate shopping.

But I don't mind paying at the end, especially with all the girls' happy smiles and that kiss from Michi… for that kiss I'll even buy that cerulean skirt… or was it turquoise? Screw this!

"Now, what do you say about salmon?"

"We have a nice collection of salmon articles"

"Ma'am, with all due respect; if the salmon you are referring too isn't grilled or rolled with rice… then I don't care what you have"

We leave the store with lots of bags. I don't even know when I am going to use all this clothes. I'll probably be changing every half hour once at my parent's home.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= A week later

"Ruka, why don't you wear peach?" Ok, I just figured from whom my brother got that much air space on his head.

"Why would I wear peach mom?" I ask with an eyebrow raised.

"Because it will look nice on you… I can see you on peach I guess it will bring your eyes out"

"Sure mom… whatever you say"

Michi looks at me and laughs; really who in their right mind would use peach as an outfit?

Anyways, after dinner we go up to my room and then Michi opens her suitcase and takes this hot looking lingerie and she smiles. What would she be thinking off… she throws the lingerie at me and I check the size. Ok, so she actually brought this one for me. Interesting.

I take my night shower and make myself comfortable on that lingerie of hers and got out of the room…

"Yes, your mother was right"

"Uh? In what?"

"You do look nice on peach," I look down again and I notice for the first time that what I am wearing has this orangey glow in it.

"So peach is orange?"

"Oh, Haruka… you'll never get it"

And really if she doesn't care… what was I saying? Oh geez… good night brain... Haruka out!


End file.
